


The Metamorphosis of Breaking Out of Love

by itshmbtch



Category: iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, i stepped on fluff and spit on its face
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-13
Updated: 2019-02-13
Packaged: 2019-10-27 11:07:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17765642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itshmbtch/pseuds/itshmbtch
Summary: "One day," Junhoe uttered, "I am going to stop crying for you."





	The Metamorphosis of Breaking Out of Love

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Junbob fic party, thirsty humans!

Koo Junhoe was afraid to hold on to something.

 

It was safer not to expect; to just be that person whose detach to things that make you feel like you’re important—those mouths that promised fake intimacy; the poisonous embraces of human that left you longing; the vulnerability of having hope—where the air that made your lungs free would one day left you asphyxiated and wanting for more.  Where the idea of breathing was enough than to breathe for someone else.

He rather live than be alive.

Junhoe wasn’t stupid. He knew everyone would leave you at the end. He experienced enough heartbreaks to know these caanan smile would only love you until you bleed.

But Kim Jiwon pushed him out of it.

He gave Junhoe emotions he rather not felt again. The warm comfort that someone would be there no matter what happen. The giddiness of expecting something and coloring the world into palettes of vivid happiness and acid-tripping affection.  The way Jiwon tattooed a smile on his face because of his mere presence and Junhoe was afraid and afraid and afraid and afraid.

He’s afraid because he’s no longer afraid.

He tried setting the timer, but Jiwon stayed the longest.

He tried giving him words to make him leave him, but Jiwon shrugged.

He tried to be cold and see if he can handle this side of Junhoe everyone kept on shoving in the shadows, but Jiwon looked at every inch and knuckles the light could make him see.

His heart whispered, ‘ _maybe this guy would stay.’_

And he agreed.

Koo fucking Junhoe was finally happy. The world decided to give him the gift he deserved out of all his misery and heartbreaks. Maybe those Hollywood cheesy flicks were right from the beginning, Love would definitely came your way if you wait for it.

Too bad he said ‘love’ immediately.

Because by the time you opened your heart to someone, your raw vulnerability would always be the target. By the person and your own thoughts—a modus operandi of fate to make you doubt yourself.

Jiwon loved him like he was meant to be loved.

A foreign feeling that made him grow flowers inside of him, attracting butterflies that only appeared whenever Jiwon gave him that signature grin.

That’s the time Junhoe knew he was done for.

Everything was smooth sailing. The future promises were laid out together with their weird ways of saying how they love each other. Jiwon would always start Junhoe’s day with weird selfies and finger hearts. Junhoe would reply with pictures of his poem written only for the man named Kim Jiwon.

It was like they were meant to be together. And no one—no _fucking_ one—could separate them.

Until that moment Kim Jiwon became overwhelmed by everything called life.

Jiwon released a shaky breath while he stared at everything—all that shimmer and sparks, except Junhoe. After all, how could he? Junhoe never sparkled. He wasn’t the kind of person that people would see immediately, so he knew that moment, he’s not the type of person Jiwon would look at moments like this. He’s the lesser option.

No matter how many time Junhoe shouted he’s here, Jiwon wouldn’t hear him anymore.

That should be enough red flag to stop himself from breaking all together again.

* * *

 

Junhoe was starting to get afraid.

All his love came back to him wrapped with return stamped on all sides. Jiwon was starting to ignore him. The usual good morning calls became curt messages of ‘can’t. I’m busy.’ The childish bickering that once their endearment was forgotten. The affection that enveloped Junhoe in a warm embrace was losing its meaning. Most likely because he’s busy, Junhoe mused out. So he made himself busy in return, to focus on his career and life that were once both the only reason why he’s living.

But no one received his calls after that.

Koo Junhoe was starting to be no one.

Nothing’s more frightening than to be afraid all alone.

It made him think that maybe, it’s his fault. He’s loving too much and it’s suffocating the person he cared the most. Junhoe needed to slow down. Junhoe needed not to be too much. Junhoe needed to butcher his love into miniscule pieces so Jiwon would accept it again. It’s his fault after all, because Koo Junhoe wasn’t really the person Jiwon was looking for, so Junhoe needed to fit himself in so he wouldn’t get thrown out.

He can’t bear the feeling. The thought was eating him alive.

So Junhoe waited. He loved silently. And waited.  

How long can he love him with his mouth strapped shut? He can’t ask, he’s too afraid. Too fearful he was not needed anymore, that everything that surround Jiwon was shining so brightly and Junhoe was this unrepairable decoration without any use anymore. Or maybe, he’s just like everyone else at this point. No meaning to his life whatsoever. Is it time for him to go? Did Jiwon already signaled to him a lot of times to just go out of his life and Junhoe was just that fucking stupid to notice? Maybe he already has someone that replaced him and he’s like an idiot who keep on shoving himself in places he shouldn’t be.

Maybe he should go. And just love from afar. Wish him happiness out of range.

The usual Koo Junhoe.

He’s tired. He’s clueless. Maybe he’s not made for people to love. He’s too boring and too giving.

So he cried. He needed to. He didn’t want Jiwon to see him like this. This Junhoe who doubts everything should be kept inside so so deep that no one would know how he’s hurt right now. Because broken people got shunned at and he’s done being alone. Broken Junhoe was disgusting, and Junhoe was the only person who should know. Jiwon already has a lot on his plate.

So maybe he should go.

 .

 .

 .

The thought broke his heart into pieces.

All he need was one whisper from him that everything’s fine. He hoped. He cried. He shouted to his damped sheets.

Jiwon.

Please.

Just one assurance that I am still needed and I am yours, idiot.

But all he heard was silence.


End file.
